Not ready.......

God, i can't believe we finally did it. Bitty is in a big girl bed. And by big girl, i mean twin size. It's crazy! I swear, she's only a baby, she's not gonna be 3 in two weeks. She not! Husband says " what do you want to do with her crib? Do you want to give it to your friend with the store or give it to someone else?" Wait, WHAT?!?!? Get rid of it? NO. That means no more babies, no more life inside me, no more........BABIES! I freak out. Go hide and cry. We've talked about it often, having another. I was an only, he has two brothers and a sister. Bitty shouldn't be an only. We've talked about it. She supposed to have a sibling. I'm not done. But.......then reality kicks in. She was 11 weeks early. She could've died. She could've had major complications. But.....she didn't. Although, we go to the eye doctor tomorrow to finish her initial exam and decide how far sighted she is and what exactly to do. I don't want to do that either. I'm terrified. But anyway, it has to be done. Yes, i want her to have a little brother or sister. I really, REALLY do. But it goes against everything i believe in, to risk the life of another child, just so Bitty's not an only. I couldn't do it. It's not worth it. Not to me anyway. So, part of me will go with her crib, where ever it may go. I don't want it to go. It's her crib. But, kids grow up. Soon she'll be 3. WOW. She's gonna  be 3?! To me, that crib symbolizes life, another baby, in some way shape or form it's my uterus, LOL. **sigh**