OMG, I'm 30............

Apparently, i didn't sleep through today. LOL Which means, today i turn 30. Which, by the way, is not why i dislike my birthday. I don't care that chronologicallly i'm 30, it is afterall, only a number. I still get carded for ANYTHING you need to be over 18 to buy. I still wear the same size clothes i did when i was 16, probably not a good thing, but whatever. People still try to give me candy when i take Bitty trick or treating. Half the time, i still feel like i should be in high school, though i can honestly say, i'm glad i'm not. Not that i wouldn't do certain things differently now, like actually pay attention, not be so oblivious to certain things or about certain people. But there's no do over's, so oh well. I find it slightly amusing how so many people say age is only a number, yet their lives are almost dictated by that number. Some hide it, not wanting to admit they're of a certain age. Some, feel that they need to have certain things accomplished by a set age. Some believe there's a magic number in which you automatically become old. Which, i've felt old since i turned about 21, so that should make me elderly by now. Life has this way of trying to steal from us, what naturally makes us, well, us. It says, after high school you either need to go to college or get a job. It says that by the time you're my age, you should damn certain have your life figured out and grow the hell up. It makes you feel like, if you have children you must drive the minivan or some other equivelant, you need to have the good job, or be the poster spouse for the 1950's. Considering i still don't know what i wanna be when i grow up, i'd say i'm failing miserably. But sometimes, failing at something, is simply refusing to give in or give up. I WILL be that purple haired lady in the nursing home, racing her wheelchair soley for bragging rights. And you can bet your ass i'll have on some funky beanie and pair of Chucks. Life and growing up can only take away what you let it, and growing up doesn't go hand in hand with growing old. We've all been growing older since the moment we were born, but go ahead and tell a 4 year old to grow up, for that matter, go ahead and try to tell a 4 year old to do anything. I have NO intention of growing up, matter of fact, i've always known i would die young, but hell i might be 80 by the time that happens. And i'm happy to say that, with the exception of one goal, i'm honestly happy with the things i've accomplished and if by some twist of fate i would pass away tomorrow, i'd be okay with that. I've done alot, been through entirely too much shit, and seen more than i'd admit in my meager 30 years. I've burned a few bridges, hurt way too many, i've screwed up more than my fair share, and felt pride so much i cried. I carry the weight of things that aren't my burden, and forgiven myself for things most people still haven't. I'm overly critical of the girl i see in the mirror, but wouldn't have her anyother way. I may not like the way she looks, but i can't deny what's on the inside. And if there's one thing i've learned through this whole growing older processes, it's to never, under any circumstance, ever let life take hold of what's on the inside. Not life, not growing older, not anything. After all, you are you and there is no one more youer than you.