It's been awhile since i was pregnant, but i remember almost ever detail. Right down to the moment i became pregnant, but i won't get into THAT much detail. LOL It was shortly after mothers day 2007 when our suspisions became reality. I took a pregnancy early that May morning so that my husband would know before he left for work. I didn't get much sleep the night before, the anticipation of what the morning held, well, it was just too much. I knew i was pregnant without having to take the test since my period didn't come the day before, but i felt just as crampy, almost as if i should've had my period. I woke my husband for work that morning by saying, "wake up, DADDY". I swear, he flew out of bed. I've never seen him that awake, that early. With a big smile, his excitement was to much for him to hide. As happy as i was, there was a twinge of nervousness. "I'm cramping bad" kept seeping through what should've been nothing but happy thoughts.
It felt like an eternity until my OB/GYN's office opened. Finally i called to tell them the news and set up my first, very long, appointment. Right before we were about to end the conversation, i asked if it was normal to be so crampy. All of a sudden, her calm voice changed. It was no longer full of joy and happiness. It had a sense of urgentcy to it. Hold on, she said, let me transfer you to a triage nurse. WAIT! What?! Now i was all but in panic mode. Home alone, I was scared out of my mind. "what is she gonna say" i thought. Quickly, a nurse answered the line and asked exactly how i was feeling. I said i felt like should have my period. Now, i guess i should state that my period cramps are very bad. I have endometriosis and when i get my period, my cramps feel more like contractions. Without missing a beat, she replied, "what hospital do you want to go to for blood work?" Ummmmmmmm......... Stumbling on words, i answered her. She said she would fax the blood work papers to the hospital and i was to leave now to go get blood drawn. She also made me an appointment later in the day for an ultrasound. Now, i've gone from panic to utter fear. My husband had my car, i'd have to call and tell someone what was going on and unfortunately, it couldn't be my husband since he was at work. Everyone i knew was at work. Atleast, anyone who i'd want by my side at this moment. We hadn't told anyone yet that i was pregnant and i didn't want this to be the way they found out. Finally i decided i'd call my Nan. She took FOREVER to get to my house. Well, it felt that way anyways. "Please don't ask, please don't ask, please don't ask why you're taking me to get blood drawn." I sat in the car, numb. And then, she asked. I couldn't even muster i decent lie. I tried. But, failed. I finally just blurted out, "I'm pregnant." She was quiet. She new. We drove the 5 mins. to the hospital in total silence.
Trying to stay positive and calming, the nurse who drew my blood simply said to me that it was just to check my hormone levels. We left the hospital shortly after we got there and my Nan drove me home. By that time, my huband was on his lunch break, so i called to tell him what was going on. He seemed confident nothing was wrong, but he couldn't take me to my ultasound appointment since he wouldn't be done work in time. "Great" i thought. "now i gotta find someone to do that. Someone else who i would rather not have there, holding my hand, telling me things are gonna be fine." I call my mom. Believe me when i say, she is the last person i wanted by my side. My mom has never been a very, um, comforting person. We don't really get along. We get to the OB/GYN's office where i'm whisked away to an ultrasound room. It's explained to me, that since i found out so early that i was pregnant, nothing was shown on the ultra sound. And so it would continue, a regular cycle of blood work and ultrasounds until they could see that my baby was right where she was supposed to be and not in my falopian tubes. But the cramping continued.
Every month at my prenatal appointments i would tell them how crampy i still was. "Oh, it's just your uterus stretching." I was told. And i would be continued to be told that, even on the day i went into labor. I didn't really have any other problems, other than the cramping. But a smaller, less noticable problem was slowing climbing up. Every month when i went in, my white blood cell count would be just slightly higher than the time before. But nothing was ever done. Towards the end of my short pregnancy, i was diognosed with gestational diabetes, i was schedualed to have a class on it the day after i had my daughter, so i never got the chance to go.
I was due January 27, 2008. I wanted an early baby shower because i didn't want it to be cold. It was the end of October. It was a cool, windy day. I didn't feel well and had a suspsion that we were headed to my baby shower, but i just wanted to go home. I walked into the church where it was held rubbing my belly, feeling quite ill, wanting to just go home. At that point, i was wonderfully oblivious to the events that were about to unfold two weeks later.
It was November 10th. My husband and i were settling in, getting ready for bed, when the cramping i had been feeling for 29 weeks got suddenly, worse. "I had a prenatal this morning." i thought "what is going on?" Inside my heart, i knew. I knew i was in labor. I starting doing everything i could think of. Everything the midwives and doctors had told me at every visit. I sat down with my feet propped up, drink a glass of water. I sat in a nice warm bath. But then, suddenly, in the middle of my bath, i felt as though i had to poop. "Shit!" I knew i didn't have to poop. I sat on the toilet and pushed. "This is it" i thought. I walked out to the living room where my husband had fallen asleep. I told him i was concered and was gonna call the doctor's office. I left a message for them to call me. It felt like an eternity until they did. The doctor on the other end said in a firm voice "You need to come in, i'll tell them, (the ladies at the front desk of the hospital) that you're comming in" I woke my husband and told him we needed to leave, now.
By the time we got to the hospital, the contractions had let up a bit and weren't near as bad. "This is a good thing." I thought "they'll just check me and send me home" I was whisked away to the triage area of the hospital, where i would be hooked up to all sorts of machines. "We need to get a sterile urine sample." the nurse said "so i need to catherize you." OUCH!. They hooked me up to the fetal monitor, whiched showed i was still have a large contractions. They drew blood, which came back showing my slowing climbing white blood cell count, had jumped up to 21, normal is 10-11. They flooded me with antibiotics, even though i showed now signs of illness and neither did my baby. I was given every drug to stop contractions but, apparently, my body doesn't agree with any of them. So, i was moved to a perminante room in the "special care" section of the hospital. I always knew i was special. I was ultrasounded, poked and prodded. Finally the morning of the 11th came. Lunch time rolled around and all seemed quiet, other than i was still having contractions. They knew i would be delivering a premature baby, so the night i came in i was given a steriod shot and told twenty four hours later, i'd have another. The atmosphere was light and full of smiles and laughter. We were all oblivious to what was about to happen in the next few moments.
We had come to grips that our daughter was gonna be born early. We were at ease with it. We were told that girls do better, so we were thankful that our baby was a girl. I was starving, so they let me eat a "liquid lunch" as they call it. No sooner did i start eating, was i abruptly wrenched with horrible pain. The nurse asked if i was alright. I simply said no. She hooked me back up to the monitors. It was a bad contraction. Another nurse rushed in. Then my doctor. Then what looked like 50 more nurses. "Husband, where are you right now!!!!?????" My mom held my hand as tears rolled down her face and mine. This was it. A nurse jumped up and straddled my belly. "I can't find the heart beat." she said. She would stay in that position until we got to the delivery room. My husband walks into the room, unaware of what was happening. He was handed a pair of scrubs and told to put them on. And in an instant, i was being rushed down a hallway. Unprepared for the events that were about to unfold.
The operating room was so cold. They told me and my husband that, if they had to put me under, her wasn't allowed in the room. "please work, spinal" Is all i kept thinking. "I need him here. Here with me. Holding my hand. Telling me everything would be fine." It seemed to take forever for the spinal to work. I began shaking uncontrollably. Then, my husband walked in. He sat down and took my hand, looked into my eyes and smiled. A wave of calmness swept over me. "I'm gonna have to push really hard on your chest" the doctor said. "Holly hell! that hurt" then i heard it. The one thing all parents wait anxiously to hear. The one thing only a parent to a preemie can really grasp the importantce of. I heard a little cry. In a busy, loud operating room, i heard my daughter's little attempt to cry. Things get fuzzy after that becuase i lost alot of blood and ended up either having pneumonia or bronchitis. But i remember lots of family members shuffling in and out of my room. Bringing presents and flowers. Bearing nervous smiles. A baby had been born and that's just what's supposed to happen. But all i could think was, "i didn't have a baby, i gave birth to a fetus, and how was she supposed to survive." ..............to be continued.
No comments:
Post a Comment