Take some time......

It's nice to take the time and take stock of what's not only right in your life, but what is wrong. Nothing happens by chance, be it karma or God. Be it by devine intervention or simple self reflection, at some point we all need to take the time to take a long, hard look at where we are, where we were, who are now and who we were then. And if there is any aspect, be it small or overwhelming, that you don't like, the only person with the power to change that, is you. One week ago today, i looked down at myself in the shower and realized that i weighed about 90lbs. And no, it wasn't from lack of food. Battling a drug addiction for 3 years or so finally had taken it's toll, along with the events that led up to that day, like non purposly inhaling chemical bug spray and bleach. It's a good, freeing feeling when you not only chose to make that change in your life, to stop living a lie, no matter how great the task at hand, but to come clean to those closest to you, is all most just as wonderful. So whatever change you feel you need to make in your life to get to where you KNOW you're supposed to be, whatever change needs to happen so that you can be the person you know damn well you're intended to be, in say do it. And don't even stop to think about it. As someone with the mind of untreated ADHD, i know more than most how the human brain can and will talk itself out of anything, soley from fear and we fear what we do not know. For days after my stint in the ER, i was worried i had lost one of the things i hold so dear to me and that is my brain, my thoughts, my words. I had no idea what day we were on, the week before was a blur and i couldn't remember it either. My pupils were so dialated that, had you not known better, you'd think i was strung out. I was almost certain i had lost the one thing that, as much as it drives me insane, it makes me who i am. It's what made me the person other people would come to. I know i pissed more than a few people off with my rant the other day, (yeah, i'm still having issue with remembering the days), and to some of you i truely am sorry, like my "Mommy", and she knows who she is. Yes, i have a Mom (the one with cancer) and a Mommy, the one who never once judged me, who opens her arms wide even when i don't think i want them. You see, people are just that, people. And the ones who love you will always love, reguardless. Our senior class moto was "be the change you wish to see in the world" That doesn't need to mean the world as a whole. At the center of your world, is YOU. And if there needs to be a change in it, it can only start with you. So if along the way, you piss off a few people, or even a few hundred people, and those people never look at or talk to you again, they aren't worth it. As they say, those who mind don't matter and those who matter, don't mind. So i say go for it. I, for one, am glad i did. The world's a nicer place with clean and sober eyes.