Um, yeah.....

So....yesterday was the Art auction and let me just say, my photo.......DID AWESOME. The heART of Friendship foundation recieved $180 for, what basically is a black and white photo of a door.But, honestly, i seem kinda numb to it. I suppose other things have been plagueing my mind. Like, the fact that i'm 29 and, what in my heart i believe, starting menopause. Yay. Yeah, i know, i should go to the doctor. But, i don't want to. I don't want someone, someone who doesn't know me, someone who doesn't know my life, my story, my dreams, to tell me that at 29, it's no longer MY choice to have another child. `Cause, ya know, i already blame myself and my body for failing to carry Bitty for 40 weeks. Now, it seems to want to say, HAHAHA, you don't even get the chance to get it right. Stupid girl. Yeah. See how my mind works.

Have a little faith....

I'm not what you'd call a religious person, no where even close to one. However, if there's one thing i have an abundance of, it's faith. The problem with having an abundance of it, i tend to put too much of it into things that, well, i really shouldn't. For that matter, i'm kind of an oximoron as well. I have little to no faith in myself, but have all the faith in the world for the things i do and people i love. This brings us to the heART of Friendship art auction this Friday. I do believe, once again, that i have put entirely too much faith in the photo i donated. I guess you could compare this photo to an only child, so to speak. I'm glad it's just a photo and not a child though, for if it was, it would most likely end up like me. To much pressure on it to be something great, a feeling that if it doesn't do well, it won't be loved. Too high of a standard to live up to. Some how or another, i seem to have projected my self worth as a novice photographer onto this ONE photo; and if it fails to meet my standards, which by the way i have no idea what they are, then i too, have failed. I know, poor photo, right? LOL And when i take into consideration that i myself, do not really like this photo, that i left it up to people on Facebook to decide for me what photo to enter, well, i can only hope that i made the right choice.

Trust, it's not always a good thing....

Nothing irritates me more than when someone you call a friend pulls the wool over your eyes. Husband bought a truck from someone who he works with, someone who he considers a friend. Now, this "friend", and i use the term lightly, we susupect of not being, well.....real honest. But yet, husband trusted him enough to buy his truck without driving it or looking it over, he took his "friends" word that very little was wrong. HA Now, i know he is partially to blame as every knows you should test drive something before buying it. Ofcourse, now we discover wayyy more wrong with it then his friend lead him to believe. It kinda saddens me alittle. Husband didn't used to be that way. He was never even half as trusting as me. I am what most people would call nieve, I call it refusing to believe that everyone has bad intentions, even though i get screwed more often than not. I guess being together for almost 11 years, i have seemingly rubbed off him. I just wish it wasn't that part of me that rubbed off. LOL I can think of atleast 10 other things that i would rather have rubbed off.

It's been awhile......

So, it's been awhile since i was last on here and quite frankly, it's not that i was too busy to get here, i just really didn't feel like it. Don't get me wrong, i have been busy, but i've never been one who can write when i don't feel like it. I have to feel like writing or i litterally can't muster up words that make any kind of sense. Now, it's been so long i can't hardly figure where to start. Hmmmmmmm

Well, next Friday is a big day for me. Like, make it or break it kinda big. Well, atleast i feel as though it could be. Next Friday is the heART of Friendship art auction, and while it's not that big of deal, it's a big deal to me. I entered one of my photographs and while i don't expect it to go for hundreds of dollars, i will be crushed if it goes for next to nothing. I view my photography as an extension of myself, so for no one to be interested in it, to me, says that i must not be as good as what i have been told. Stupid, i know. But, that's how i roll. LOL
This past weekend, we (me, Husband, Bitty, married friends plus their 4 kids) attended The March for Babies team captain kick-off held at our local Texas Roadhouse. Kinda pointless for me, but my friend is new to the March for Babies so i thought we ought to attend. I'm glad we did, it was quite fun. Not to mention, who wouldn't jump at the chance for free, yes i said FREE Texas Roadhouse food. After last years march and the hassle i had with my team, i had pretty much given up on ever doing it again. But, after talking to said friend and realizing that i couldn't let down millions of babies. So, i have taken a no holds bar look at it this year. I put on my big girl panties and decided the other members will either do what's asked of them, or just simply not be a part of my team. And that's fine with me. I don't hold it against them, after all, it wasn't their daughter born 11 weeks early. Although i must say, trying to fundraise in this economy is enough to make anyone want to throw in the towel.
I've also decided to plan a baby shower for above mentioned friend. She is pregnant with her 5th child, which is believed to be a girl. Which, if i might add, is udderly awesome since her other 4 children are boys. Personally, i believe the woman should receive mother of the century for being a SAHM of 4 boys. Anyway, after telling me that no one in her family had planned to throw her a shower, i stepped up to the plate. What kind of friend would i be had i not. It's proving to test me though. But, i'll manage!
Speaking of pregnant friends, quite alot of my friends are either pregnant right now or just had a baby. Talk about feeling the urge to make another baby. LOL So, back i go with my internal struggle, giving Bitty a sibling versus risking the life of another baby to do so. For some reason, most people think i'm crazy for that. I, however, can justify it 100%. It really irritates me when people, people who don't bother to stop and think, blurt out how i NEED to have another child, because after all, we all know how only children are. WHAT THE F*#K. Please people, don't lump all only children together. My daughter plays just fine with other children, she knows what sharing is and not only that, she does it. She's not spoiled and does not get whatever she wants. And for that matter, I am an only child and take severe affense to that notion. I share just fine. I wish it was just that easy, to just have another child. For some of us, there are things that get in the way. Things more important then making sure my child isn't an only child.