8 Weeks...........

Today marks 8 weeks clean for me. And if you woulda asked me 8 weeks ago if i would be sitting here writing about it, well i woulda said yes, but i know I woulda thought it'd feel like 8 years instead of eight weeks. And while in some ways, these last 8 weeks have seemed like it should be more like 8 months, in so many other ways, i can't believe they went by that fast. LOL I'd be lying if i were to say that they have been an easy 8 weeks. There have been numorous times where i thought to myself, "i quit using drugs, for this?!?!" I'd say until just recently, the negative have out weighed the positive, i suppose in someways they still do but it's getting easier to deal with it. Learning new ways to deal with the problems in your life has to be about one of the hardest things  about getting through it. I must say though, if i were a more patient person, it'd probably be alot easier. LOL

Fall........

I love this time of year, it has to easily be my favorite season. The crisp air matched with the warmth of the sun. The smell of leaves as they begin to fall to the ground. All the warm colors that seem to go with fall,  oranges, greens, browns, reds. The sunsets are positively beautiful. The smell of people starting up their woodstoves. Sitting around a fire wrapped up in someone elses old hoody. Something about fall makes me feel like such a kid. I still get the urge to jump in leaf piles and dress up for Halloween. I get giddy about carving pumpkins. The crisp air puts a slightly more frisky spring to my step. And then there's the fair. Which, i might add, brings back so many memories of people long since passed, cherished memories. Memories that only teenagers can make on chilly fall  evenings. If i could go back, there's few things i would change. The things i would change however, well that's for me to know.

Damn rainy day........

Did you ever miss someone, for no real reason other than you do. Not because you love them, but because they had become a constant in your day and made you laugh when all you wanted to do was cry. Because they had been your friend, long before you had to say good bye. And knowing that to even see them in passing, to smile or look in their direction, to even say hi, is completely out of the question, makes it that much worse.

I don't like you anymore.......

I don't like my brain off drugs. I don't like it one bit. It's constantly bored. Constantly wanting to do something fun. I don't think it likes being a mom half the time. Days like today make me just want to cry, or do drugs just to make it be quiet. It really sucks having a strong desire to do things, go places, see people, but not be able to do any of it. To want some excitement, something new. To be SO incredibly BORED with your life, that it makes you want to cry because just not that long ago, you were content.